So at age 31, it’s no secret I’m late to the wannabe-influencer game. I had a few short-lived attempts in my 20’s but I didn’t get anywhere. Why did I wait until my 30’s to go pedal-to-the-metal with it? As I mentioned before, I was dealing with mental health issues like anxiety. What was the cause of these mental health problems? The answer is actually quite simple: I was too hard on myself.
I always wanted my 20’s to be the most important, productive, and fun years of my life. I wanted to spend my 20’s working a shit entry-level job, having fun, and pursuing my dreams. Why couldn’t I do it sooner? I was too busy working hard at school so I could support myself as I chased my dreams.
I figured my 20’s would be my best window of opportunity. Why? Because I knew I would have the perfect mix of youth and experience. I’d have all the freedom of adulthood but little of the responsibility. I’d be able to work and live independently, out from under the birds-eye-view of my parents, allowing me to have the freedom to finally have fun and pursue my dreams.
Why is having fun chasing my dreams only limited to my 20’s? I heard on MTV once 30 is the cutoff for becoming famous. No one over age 30 gets a major-label record deal. At that point you’re too old and out-of-touch with the youngest generation. Unfortunately, teenagers set the course for pop-culture and teenagers aren’t going to listen to anyone over 30.
As for having fun, your 20’s is the only period having debaucherous fun is socially acceptable. After 30 is when society expects you to live that “normie” life: Get married, get a real job and career, buy that house in the suburbs with the white picket fence, and pop-out a few kids.
My 20’s were my last window to have fun and pursue my dreams. It’s like Eminem said in Lose Yourself: “If you had one shot, one opportunity, to capture everything you ever wanted, would you capture it or just let it slip?” Unfortunately, these sky-high expectations became my own worst enemy.
Unfortunately, my 20’s turned out to be a complete and total shitshow. After a perfect storm of shit from both my professional and personal lives, I was diagnosed with OCD. I tried writing music, but every time I tried my brain was flooded with anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
An artist needs to be transparent with their audience. However, I was scared of putting myself out there and being judged for my mistakes. I was scared my skeletons would come out of the closet for the world to see. I managed to crank out a few songs on SoundCloud, but I was not nearly as productive as I hoped to be.
I moved from Florida to back in with my parents near Philadelphia and spent the rest of my 20’s seeing doctors and therapists trying to calm the hell down. I tried other methods like meditation, diet, and exercise, but nothing I did had any significant effect. Why? The answer was simple: I was too hard on myself. I set the bar too high.
Now that I’m in 30’s, my chances of making it are slimmer than ever. They were slim to begin with, but now they’re a thousand times slimmer. This is both a blessing and a curse.
My dreams will probably never come true, but I have nothing to lose. I can just do whatever I want, make myself happy, because no one will probably see it. I’ll probably get a few haters, but they can promptly screw off!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having big dreams. However, if you reach too far too quickly, that’s a cause for disappointment. I hate the phrase “live in the moment”, because it’s important to remember the past and be conscious of the possible future. However, it’s important to live closer to the moment. Like I said, reach too far too quickly and you’ll only hold yourself back.
Don’t make my mistake.
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